back and forth
by lofthouse
Summary: Red and Liz need to talk about what's going on in their heads. Some angst, some fluff - see yourself. Takes place after S03E07. Disclaimer: I do not own anything.


Being with Red on the run for the past few weeks was very exhausting. Finally after Red finished his business with Hasaan they moved to this place. It was a small house on the outskirts of the city. Since Dembe regenerated from his gunshot wound they were together. Lizzie felt safe with Red but with Dembe around she was also sure that Red was safe as well.

When they were chasing the Djinn she saw the recklessness in his eyes the emotions when it came to protect her. She was not particularly afraid but somewhat shocked. He was willing to do anything to exonerate her, even though she was not sure, it she could go on after all she has been through.

On the table next to her was the book Red recommended to read, but she was in no mood to read it. She found it amazing how that man could simply lose himself these books. Some were fictional criminal books, other were about some historical event and contained a lot of facts. She was sure, that he would be able to reproduce the content of every book he read. She looked at her watch and it was only 9 p.m. and she wouldn't be able to sleep soon.

" _This is not a good idea.", he said._ She remembered the look on his face and the way he looked her in the eyes. In that moment he knew that she lied to him. She did call Tom the other day, she simply had to. But Red didn't call her out on it and simply walked out of the shop. Of course it was a dumb idea to call him, but all she wanted some familiar voice, some reassurance that not everything about her marriage was a lie. He actually cared for her now, wasn't it enough that he worked for her exoneration like Red did? In her mind she saw the pictures of her and Tom on the night they spent together on the boat. Some would say it was a mistake, but she just needed to feel alive. Lizzie was only living for the job and for Reddington. Being used by him for his plans to find the fulcrum and god knows what else. Although she was on the run with Red she still didn't completely trust him. She pushed this thoughts as far away as she could. Before she got into her room Red told her about the splendid view from the roof top over the city. She got up from the bed and walked into the hall where the stairs leaded to the next level and from their over a small ladder to the rooftop.

When she climbed to ladder, opened the roof hatch and finally reached her destination, she saw the beauty of the night. Far away there were the smaller and bigger skyscrapers, illuminated by different colors on the top. Apparently some people were still working because many offices were illuminated.

"Beautiful isn't it", said Red. She stiffens when she heard his voice and turned to him. He sat on the on a small blanket, a glass next to him and holding a cigarette in his hand.

"Yes.", she said taking some steps towards him. "I guess you can't sleep either?" she asked casually eyeing him. He smirked at her and smoking his cigarette. When the smell reached her nose, she grimaced. Eying him he was still wearing his usual clothes.  
"I'd say you didn't try to sleep, did you?"  
"Well you can't have everything you want to in life", he said as a matter of fact.  
"You said, that you were tired and tried to sleep.", she remembered his words when she left the living room.  
"Apparently we are both bad liars", he replied dryly and reached for his glass not looking at her at all.  
She was angry, so this was his way of telling her, that he knew, that she called Tom.  
"I wouldn't have called him, you know", she told him while she sat on the blanket in front of him. He looked at her intently and his eye twitched at her statement.  
"No, you would have called him. Not even a promise to me was enough to stop you from doing so", he said in an extremely calm and composed manner. He finished his cigarette and was solely focused on her now.

"Then tell me why I didn't keep my promise."  
He chuckled at that. "We both know the reason for that, don't you think?", Red said reaching for this glass. She interrupted his attempt to take a sip from it and took it out of his hand and placed it next to her on the ground.  
"You have no idea, why I called him. Because you weren't looking. And you are still not looking", she whispered to him.  
"Looking at what?", he said, his eyes boring into hers.  
"At me", she yelled, "Maybe I don't agree with your plans. Maybe I don't want to be exonerated, be part of this. Maybe I wanna go to the FBI and tell them truth of what happened and why I shot Connolly."  
"Lizzie, what ar..", he tried to interrupt her in her speech, but she was in no mood.  
"Don't you Lizzie me!" It was her turn to talk and she would make him to listen to her once.  
"I'm here, right here with you, because I protected the people I care about. I protected Ressler, Aram, Samar, Cooper..", she paused and looked him in the eye. He looked a little broken, his expression similar to the day she told him, that remembered the events of the night of the fire.  
"He had so many things in mind to hurt them one way or another. And you – killing you by death penalty. And now tell me what do you see, when you look at me?", tears welling up in her eyes and she was panting a little.  
"Your way home? Where is or what is your home? The life you had 24 years back? Before we met?" They hold their gaze, she wanted simple answers, she wanted to understand, what his endgame was.  
"Can't you just look at the obvious Red? I'm here with you, but you're still keeping me in the dark about your plans..", she stopped in defeat, breaking eye contact. Red moved towards her and pulled her to him.  
"Shhh you are fine Elizabeth", he reassured her quietly and Lizzie leaned into him. For a brief moment she was thinking about protesting, pushing him away, but his warmth and arms around him were all it took. She pulled him closer to her, sliding her hands around his back.  
"I see you Lizzie..and when I look at you..I..", he hesitated and chuckles. . "I'm afraid, that when I tell you all the things that…won't be enough..."  
She pressed her head against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. Red tried to get some distance between them, but she was holding him tight in place.  
"What things?," she asked quietly feeling him stiffen a little.  
""The way I look at you Lizzie isn't just my…"  
"Your way home", she completed his sentence and suddenly his body went very still.  
She wasn't sure if he had just admitted some sort love for her. His lips touch her forehead in a small, sweet kiss and he loosened his arms around her.  
"It's late you should try to get some sleep Lizzie, at least one of us should", he said smiling at her trying to get a look of her face. Her hands moved from his back up to his neck and hold him in place. Her soft fingers caressing his short hair and finally their eyes met.

"Why won´t you admit it to yourself?", she whispered dragging his head down to hers. Their lips only inches apart. He could feel her breath on his lips and knew that he should push her away.  
He closed his eyes, inhaled her smell, every fiber of his body concentrated only on her.

When he wasn't ready to tell her yet. But she had already decided to not wait, but instead to kiss him softly..


End file.
